« Comment Post #3 | Main | Group Post #5 Angelic »

October 04, 2004

Comments

Nhat Pham

Very well written post perfect grammar. Allow me to try to give suggestions though, in my opinion your thesis is too broad. I don't like your word choice "evinces" (never liked that word) so no offense. I think you should have spread your quotes through your post better. I think if you added more quotes it would support your concluding paragraph and the post would have been more balanced.

Shannon Kelleher

April, your post is incredibly detailed in it's description. It sounds like you really did your research. However, sometimes too much detail can be confusing. Your introduction is very lengthy and branches off into a few different directions. Next time you may want to try to get through your introduction in one paragraph. Also, I don't understand how your last sentence fits in with the rest of your post. You go from the deterioration of Native American culture to ending with American pride. It doesn't fit with the rest of your paper, and doesn't wrap anything up, as your ending should do. Lastly, I agree with Nhat when he said that your thesis is too broad. You said that it depicts an opinion, but you neglected to say what that opinion was.

The comments to this entry are closed.

Blog powered by TypePad

My Group Members